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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Jannie" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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01:14 pm
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Ok, My Turn, Just For Fun :-)
Everyone do this, because it's cool :-)
http://kevan.org/johari?view=Jannielee
Current Mood:  bored
Current Music: Talk Radio at work
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03:52 am
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Incredibly Lonely.
It's 4am and I'm spending the night alone in my apartment. Again. I'm tired of being lonely. :'(
Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Everything's Not Lost - Coldplay
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05:55 pm
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I Can't Believe It
Kimmie and Jamie are engaged... I can't even believe it. I wonder what it must be like to be so happy that you actually would marry someone...
...feeling alone sucks. You know, I'll never know what I said that made him think I was having that kind of conversation on the phone... I don't know what he was going through or whether he just wanted an easy out. It's crazy though, and here I am, in Cockeysville with Becki.... I don't know what to think... but it's very lonely.
I was just venting... because it's my LJ and I can. So please no rude comments... I'd appreciate that.
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04:00 pm
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My Life Is Boring.
So, I've been at work all day, thinking about what I should write when I update my livejournal. Then it hit me... my life is so uneventful as of late, there really is nothing to say. It's the same thing everyday - get up, go to work, get beaten into the ground by mean customers, come home, clean?,go to school?, do homework?, see Dave if I'm lucky?, and go to bed.
I guess I should be happy that my life is so predictable right now, besides, I get to play with money all day! But at the same time, I'm slightly unhappy. Sometimes I wish that there was a little more excitement in my life, or something to get excited about. I have 35 hours of vacation time racked up... I should be using it, right? I don't know. I don't even really know what I'm trying to say. I just feel like there is something missing in my life right now...
Oh well. As for tonight, I get off work at 5:15, then I plan on going to the store to pick up cat essentials (litter, food, etc.), go home, clean the apartment, find something to eat for dinner, maybe download some music or do some homework, and go to bed. Sounds great, huh? Not to me. I want something more... I just wish I knew what that something more was....
Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: ATM making noise.
Tags: life, wishing, work
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09:51 am
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Work is Dull.... so why not update?
So.. how's it goin? Life here is pretty dull, but good. I've been working at the bank now for almost 6 months, and I started graduate school back in September. For the most part, my schedule is pretty regular, and life is good!
I wish I had something interesting to say. I miss undergrad school, and I miss all my friends from LVC. Thankfully though, I've been keeping in touch with as many people as I can. Yay for internet and cell phones!
As for David, things are going well. Nothing too exciting there, we just enjoy each others company and that's about it.
Grrr... I don't like it when people think they can walk in and get $13000 in cash for nothing. Back to work...
Current Mood:  happy
Current Music: Nothing.
Tags: dave, lvc, school, work
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10:21 am
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Work...
I'm at work right now. I have a feeling today is going to be stressful. It's not even 11:00 and customers are being difficult! But it's ok because tonight I am going to see 311 in Philly! Woo! At least I have off at 4:00.
I made a referral today! Woot! Go team Janice! hehe...
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10:09 am
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This One Might Be Interesting...
Wow. I don't even know where to begin. It's been so long since I last updated this thing... and SO much has happened. Honestly I really have no clue where to begin. So I'll just start with now.
I live in Cockeysville, MD. I work at M&T Bank as a teller at the Hunt Valley branch, which is about 10 minutes away from my apartment. I have the greatest roommate ever, Miss Becki Lee, aka best friend and partner in crime. I have a cat, his name is Yoda and he's really cute. I know... I said I would never own a cat. But I guess I became a softy when he walked into my backyard back in Damascus and didn't have a home. Everyone needs a home.
Speaking of my home... I live in Cockeysville, I know I already said that. I have a nice big room all to myself, with a small bathroom and a walk in closet. Decorations are sparse, seeing as I have no money to decorate... so right now I just have things left over from all my college years. Not so exciting. Becki has the other bedroom, and the other bathroom. I have a kitchen and a walk-in pantry... which is pretty sweet. I love living here, I think I made a good decision.
Ok... so now that I have completely avoided the subject of my love life... perhaps it's time for an update. As many of you already know, Matty and I broke up. I could go into grave detail, but I don't really want to, seeing as I don't feel it will do the situation justice. What it came down to was that it just didn't work out. That simple.
Now for the juicy details... I have been spending a decent amount of time with two people lately. One being the ever popular Becki Lee, who we all know and love. The other being David Beck, who some of you Damascus people might remember as Mr. Beck, math teacher extraordinaire. David and I have been friends over the past 8 years. I would talk music with him over e-mail while I was in college, because he was one of the only people I knew from home that understood what I was talking about. We talked a couple of times over the phone, but mostly just e-mail, instant messenger, and the few times that I visited him at the High School. Nevertheless, we were merely friends. There was never any kind of indication otherwise. EVER.
After Matt and I broke up, I was here by myself a lot of the time. I didn't have a whole lot of furniture, and I had no means of hauling furniture from IKEA to my apartment, seeing as Jeepie is small. The only people I really had to talk to were my family, Becki, and David. For a few weeks in July, my Mom, Dad, and Brother were all in different states, and Becki was living at home and working hard every day. David, however, had the summer off. He didn't have a whole lot that he had to do, so he offered on a couple of occasions to come to IKEA with me and help me get whatever I needed to feel at home in this apartment. I really appreciated the gesture, and I really needed it.
So we made many a trip to IKEA together, and he assisted me in building furniture. We hung out a lot, and continued to be friends, nothing more. Then one day, it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks....I really like this guy. He has been so helpful in helping me get my life back together, and the company was always great.
So we talked. and Talked. AND TALKED. Still talking to this day. We both kind of want to date, because we really enjoy each other's company, and we've known each other so long - the "get to know you" thing is not really an issue. However... there are a few things that ARE issues, and the funny thing is, it has nothing to do with either of us. It has everything to do with everyone else. 1. David is 31. I am 22. That right there breaks a social norm. 2. David was my Algebra II teacher in High School, and even though there was NEVER any kind of interest of that fashion while I was in high school, I can see that as being another broken social norm... 3. My mom worked with him while I was in High School!!! That sure doesn't look good.
Outside of those 3 things, he is caring, he is funny, he is mature (obviously, he's 9 years older than I am!), and he has his life in perspective. He knows what he wants, and he knows how to treat people. I've met his friends, and they are quite possibly some of the greatest people I have ever met. There is so much good involved that it outweighs the bad by a landslide. However, I have this thing with wanting to please my family and the people that I love and care about. And although I know this would be a relationship that would be beneficial and completely different from all the rest... I can't help but feel like it may never be accepted. :-/ So I'm at a loss.
I've heard a number of responses to this situation, the majority of them being, "You're both adults, who cares?" That's the kind of response I would like to get from everyone... but strangely enough, I don't see that happening. If my happiness were the only factor...then I would be the first to come out and say I'm falling for David... but it's never that easy. Is it?
Well... that's that. Hope you're happy with the update... sorry it's been so darn long. If you actually made it through this... I commend you. On that note... I'm hungry and it's time for breakfast. Later...
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Music: Romeo and Juliet - Dire Straits
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12:17 am
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I Don't Like Steroids.
So I know, it's been a couple of days. I'm sure you've all been impatiently waiting the results of my damn jaw... that is, if anyone even reads this anymore.
Well, it's still stuck. Of course. The muscle relaxers did nothing except make me really dizzy, and the super-ibuprofen with steroids only made me retain a lot of water and break out all over. I feel like crap. I feel like I'm swelling to the point that I'm just going to explode any minute. Not to mention I still feel dizzy.
I don't like Steroids.
Matty went home today - I miss him. We went job hunting for him on Wednesday, not much success as of yet, but he got a lot of applications filled out. He plans on making those exciting phone calls on Monday - I want everyone out there to send positive thoughts his way as he continues to try and find a new job in Towson.
I find myself worrying all the time. About everything - I'm turning into my mother. I feel like I need reassurance, yet I'm given reassurance all the time. Matty is constantly telling me "Everything will be ok, you have nothing to worry about, I will do everything I can to make this work". My parents have been more than helpful... financially and emotionally. My friends have been supportive the whole way, letting me know that I am surrounded by people that love me and care about me. Yet I'm still not satisfied. I mean, I'm happy in all my relationships, Matty, my family, and my friends. It's not that at all. But I am worried. I am worried that something awful is going to happen and pull me away from the people I love.
Why do I worry about these things? Especially after I am told time and time again that I have no reason to worry? I feel lost. Someone help. Please?
Current Mood: sad
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12:42 am
[Link] | Wow, it's May 24th already. Not much new information. Matt and I found an apartment in Cockeysville that suits us. Don't like the name of the town much, but it'll do. Tomorrow we're going back to search for jobs! I hope we find something. My jaw is still locked - and I went to the oral surgeon today. He put me on even stronger muscle relaxers, and an anti-inflammatory with steriods. It's not long term so it should be ok. Anyways, nothing else new here! I'll probably update more when something interesting happens, like my jaw going back where it belongs.
Current Mood: sore
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04:06 am
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Why Am I Awake?
For the past few nights, I have been unable to sleep very well, and I always find myself waking up at 4am. Why does this have to happen? I really hate being awake when I'm completely exhausted. It really upsets me.
Also, my jaw is still stuck. I had an oral surgeon tell me today that the disc that cushions the joint (between the lower jaw and the skull) has probably been dislocated, and that's why I'm in so much pain and can't really open my mouth. So great. Because I ate a hot dog, I somehow managed to dislocate my face. Who the hell does that? For those of you that know me fairly well - does this not sound just like something that would happen to me??? Why do I always get the weird things.
So yea, as a result, now we're not going to Kentucky because I need to go to an oral surgeon and get my face checked out. Am I happy about this? No. Not at all. I'm furious.
In the wise words of my old college roomie Mary, BUH!
Current Mood:  annoyed
Current Music: Ben Folds playing in my head.
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10:36 pm
[Link] | Thank you everyone for all your kind comments - it was much appriciated. As for me, I'm either winding down hardcore from school, or I'm getting sick. I still have lockjaw (I think I've dislocated something...) and I have pretty much done nothing but sleep over the past 2 days. I'm supposed to be going to PA tomorrow, but if I feel like this again, I don't know if I'm going to make it!
I actually got out of the house today though, I managed to go to the mall with my mom and my brother, and I bought a new pair of shorts! I don't have very many pairs of shorts, so that was a helpful purchase. I haven't seen the new Star Wars yet, I'm waiting until I see my Matty again. I miss him. I haven't seen him since Sunday. I can handle the time apart and everything, it's not like it rips at my soul, but I still miss him nonetheless.
Still looking for jobs! If anyone knows someone in the area that needs a secretary, please let me know! I'm looking hardcore, particularly in the Towson area.
That's about it for now, more later when something exciting actually happens :-P
Current Mood: sick
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05:03 pm
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Graduation.
So I just graduated college. It's only been 4 days, and already, no one talks to me anymore. It's really kind of a bummer. People you think you have such close ties to, don't say a word to you when they see you online. Oh well, I guess I expected too much.
And so much for the compiling memories. Since no one except Dan left anything, there really isn't much of a list to make at all. Dan, I'll send you what I have.
I need a job. I need a home. It'd be nice to have some friends to talk to. I guess when I come home and get lockjaw on the right side of my face - it makes it really hard to look on the bright side. Oh yea. I have lockjaw by the way. It sucks - don't ever get it.
Hope you're all doing well. I still miss you.
*Edit*
Becki, Kev, and Jason - this in no way has anything to do with you. You guys are awesome, and I could never be more grateful than I am of you guys being in my lives. Thank you so much for the awesome graduation present, I don't know how I'll ever repay you!!
Current Mood: disappointed
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01:00 pm
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T-22 Hours.
Well, all my grades came in for this semester, and it turns out I actually got straight A's for once in my life. That's never happened to me before, so it's pretty exciting. Go team Janice.
I guess I should say a little bit to my friends here at LVC -
Dear LVCers.
What would I have done over the past 4 years without you? Who knows. I have so many fond memories... If it weren't for the Vick Chicks freshman year, I probably wouldn't have had any friends at all. We all really clicked, and although we don't talk much anymore, I still think about you often, and remember all the good times we had. Maggie - 4 years we have roomed together. How we did it? I'm still not sure. But at this point, I have no idea what I'm going to do without you. Who is going to be cynical with me? Who is going to laugh at every little thing I do? I'm sure you'll be glad to have me gone - at least then you might know what to expect in your life, no more crazy surprises from me :-) But I know I'm going to miss you terribly.
Sophomore year rolled around... and it was pretty tough. However, it was made better by all those people who lived on the 3rd floor of Keister! My roomies, Maggie and Mary, though stressed at times, we lived happily together. Now Mary... going off to France. I'm so proud of you. You are going to do great things, I just know it! The boys who lived in Keister... Mikey, Gunnell, Brian Miller, Brandon, Matt Lady, and my dear Dan Melius. We've all stayed good friends, and for that I am thankful. Dan... words can't describe how much I'm going to miss you! We've been though a great deal together, and we kind of leaned on each other the whole way. Lord knows you're still going to be receiving random phone calls with me being stressed out and begging for help. Thanks for putting up with me, I know I can be a pain. You are a true friend, and I am forever grateful that I've had you in my life!
Moving right along... Junior year in Derickson A. Maggie and I still trudging along, but with two new roomies this time, Kate Guenther and Kim Lorah. The boys Dan, Dan, Brandon, and John all living downstairs! So many sunday dinners, so much fun we had between our two apartments. It's too bad we never succeeded in living there again :-P Kate - I still adore you to this day, and I envy your passion and enthusiasm about music education. I know you will be very successful in your life, and an amazing teacher. You and Mark better keep in touch, I love you both. And Kim...Kimmie...Kimbersneeze...Kimminey Cricket, so many nicknames, so many memories. I adore you. You are the cutest, kindest person I have probably ever known. Don't you worry about your move to Boston. It's a great city, and I think it's going to be a very welcome change for you. You and Jamie are an amazing couple, and you will stay together forever and live happy lives! Don't listen to what other people say, only you know what is in your heart. Lovie-Snugs and Penises to you. Lots of them... like, 34.
Here we are everyone, SENIOR YEAR in college. Did we really think we were going to make it this far? I honestly never thought I could do it. But look at us, we did! We're graduating! Here I am in the skinny house on Main St with Kimmie and Maggie, and I swear this semester has flown by. I don't know if I'm really ready to go off and face the world, but I know I have good friends to back me up and help me along my way. Thank you LVCers - I will never forget you!!!
Love, Me.
Tonight I want to try and compile a list of memories from College on my LJ. But I will need to instill the assistants of my roomies. Hopefully it will be up before the night is over!!
**EDIT**
Everyone from LVC who reads this - do me a favor and please leave a comment with some of our fondest memories from College. This will help me do my compliling, and I'll make you all copies! I've probably forgotten important memories, so PLEASE leave lots of comments.
Current Mood:  accomplished
Current Music: Reel Big Fish - Drunk Again
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06:02 pm
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T-2 Days
Wow. And to think... I was waiting for something interesting to happen during my last few days here at LVC...
Last night I went to Carlisle, where I met up with Matt at his home, then walked across the road to Mitch's parent's house, where Grandview was planning on practicing. Upon my arrival, I met Mitch's dad, and encountered his mom, who was having her hair highlighted by her sister. Of course, she was wearing one of those crazy highlighting caps that makes you look like something out of Phantom of the Opera (which I love), so it was definitely a unique first impression. While the band practiced, I sat at the kitchen table with Amy (Mitch's wife) and Mitch's mom and her sister, and we joked around and had a lovely time.
I spent the night at Matty's house, only to wake up the next day and drive back to LVC so that I could go to work... yay. I don't know how much I like the Continuing Education office after tonight.
I have been here (Yes, I am still here) since 12:30 this afternoon. It is now 6:06pm. Upon my arrival, they decided that I got to do a bulk mailing for the MSE department, BY MYSELF. Mind you, this mailing goes out to every teacher in the state of PA. EVERY SINGLE ONE. And I had to fold the paper that goes into the envelopes, and put them in the envelopes. I'm no where near being finished - and I'm not going to be before the time that I get off - 7pm, and that's only because the office closes at 7. Susie said, "Oh Janice, you can stay after 7 to continue stuffing envelopes and hating your life if you want". I said, "Fuck that." (Mind you, those exact words were not used.)
So apparently, this mailing was supposed to be done by the MSE DEPARTMENT, 6 weeks ago. 6 WEEKS! That's like, 2 MONTHS! Why the hell they couldn't do anything, I don't know. Why I have to do it all by myself, I also don't know. Not to mention, I hate to find out how many people don't even look at these letters, they just get them, tear them in half, and throw them away.
On the bright side, I am getting paid. I need money, so in the end this will work out to my benefit. It's cool... in less than 48 hours I will have my diploma and be out of here... only to go stuff envelopes for another institution. Fabulous.
Current Mood: aggravated
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06:56 pm
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T-3 Days
And I'm at work again. I sure am working a lot for my last week here at LVC. But it's ok because it's the job that I love and adore - Continuing Ed. I'm really going to miss it here!!
Last night Matty came up and we played with Legos. They weren't just ordinary Legos, they were STAR WARS legos. You don't get much better than that. I built a Jedi Starfighter with Vulture Droid, and Matty built a regular Starfighter. It was pretty exciting.
Tonight I'm going to get some dinner with Dan at Sheetz, then probably come back, get my car, and head out to Carlisle for the night. No one here seems to want to hang out with me (except maybe Dan, Maggie, and Kim), I haven't recieved a single IM all day, so I'm just going to go to Carlisle. It's sad that there's only 3 days left until I'm done with LVC, and no one seems to want to do anything.
Guess that's about it - today has really been rather boring.
Current Mood: bored
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05:13 pm
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T - 4 Days
Another day bites the dust! I'm at work again, and trying to document my last couple of days at LVC - So I'll start with last night:
Last night I went over to Dan's place to watch Phantom of the Opera (yet again... it's just so fantastic). Naturally, Dan, Dan, and Brandon were harassing me the whole time about how the Phantom they picked was a really shitty singer, and just made me feel bad overall. I really need to learn to take what those kids say with a grain of salt. But they're such good friends, that can be difficult!
After the movie, Dan and I decided to invite some people over for friendly banter and drinks. While we waited for people to arrive, Dan and I played Mario-kart 64. I kicked his ass. It felt good to take out some of the vengeance I had left over from the movie-watching. Maggie and Kim arrived 15ish minutes later, so we decided to let them play, I still won, so I quit playing so others could be happy about winning. I socialized with my friends, and took lots of pictures. Cory and Gunnell and Bachman and Billy all popped in at some point, and I made sure to get pictures of them as well. I'm really going to miss all my LVC music seniors!
Too much carbonation made me feel like I had serious heartburn, so I decided to leave. I got back to the house and burped 800 times, and felt MUCH better. I laid down on the couch, watched the Discovery Health Channel, and fell asleep. It was great.
Today has been rather uneventful. I woke up late, and went to lunch with Kimmie and some of her organ buddies. That was fun, especially when we walked with them over to Vickroy - I haven't been in there in quite some time. We promptly returned home when Drew's roommate yelled at us for being in his room... Drew had left us in there by ourselves.
We walked home slowly, took some pictures, then ran some errands to the bank, wal-mart, and rite aid. I came home, sat around for a bit and went to work. My loving co-workers gave me a nice card, and a violin pin that is apparently supposed to resemble a Stradivarius. I'm not seeing the resemblance, but I'm sure there's one out there that looks just like this. I'm really going to miss working with these ladies. They're such nice people, I wish I had worked here when I was a Freshman.
Too late for that now.... graduation is soon approaching. And I can't wait.
Current Mood: happy
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01:04 pm
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Almost There!
It's starting to come down to the final countdown! 5 days until I am finished with LVC forever! I can't really believe it, and I really have no idea where my life is going to take me - but I've decided within the past couple of days, I'm really in no hurry to find out.
As of today, Matty and I have been together for 13 months. Wow... it really doesn't seem like it's been that long. We still have a lot to learn about each other, and plenty of time to do that. We're still figuring things out in terms of the whole Towson thing. I wish it wasn't so far away from Carlisle - I think that is the biggest problem. But we'll figure it out - in due time.
Tonight is going to be a fun night, I'm supposed to watch Phantom of the Opera with Dan, and hang out with my Big and Ang P.
I'm a little stressed about what I'm going to do when I'm finished here, but I refuse to let it get the best of me. I can only deal with things one day at a time - and it's the same with everyone else.
Well, I guess that's about it for now. More later when I have something more exciting and interesting to talk about!
Current Mood:  anxious
Current Music: Lawnmower outside the office
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11:55 pm
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Completely Overwhelmed.
So I've come to realize that there are things more stressful than school. It's called real life. My parents pretty much told me this evening that I have their permission to do pretty much anything I want in terms of living with Matty, finding a place in Towson, etc. However, naturally, they told me I need to start taking the steps on my own to find a job, find an apartment, and do whatever it takes to make it work. This is really overwhelming.
I looked online tonight to see how far Towson is from Carlisle (where Matt's band Grandview would be having their practices)... it's an Hour and 50 minutes. There is no way that Matt can travel 4 hours in one day, including the time it takes to practice... I don't know how that's going to work. And that scares me.
I guess I just hope we'll both be able to find jobs that will allow us to pay rent and utilities and live.
I'm on the phone with him right now and I'm feeling better already.... just share any words of encouragement you might have....
Current Mood: nervous
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01:24 pm
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"So... He Was Going For The Sack"
Really funny story. Yesterday, I got an Instant Message from my dear friend Dan Melius saying that he needed me to take him to the hospital. Given events that happened a week ago, I wasn't surprised.
Last Tuesday, at around 8:00pm, Dan and some friends were playing Hacky Sack in the academic quad. One of his friends - who is bigger than Dan - was a novice at the art of Hacky-Sacking, and aimed wrong with his foot and ended up kicking poor Dan in his right calf muscle. It bruised up and got a little bit swollen, but it wasn't anything that Dan thought couldn't heal on its own.
Go figure, a week later, he IMs me. He was under the impression that the kick had caused him to lose cirulation to his foot (it was feeling a little tingly). Naturally, I immediately called off work and went to get my car. I drove Dan to the Hershey Medical Center, where we sat in a waiting room for a while. We learned what the word "triage" meant, and looked at some injured baseball players. There was a crazy lady who didn't know where her car was (she was apparently in an accident the day before, but couldn't remember the location of the accident), and was trying to get someone to give her directions to Perry County. Anyways. Eventually we got out of the waiting room. We went into another room with a heart monitor and places to put sharp objects, and Dan started to get a little freaked out.
It was safe! The doctor came in (and he was a hotty) to check out Dan's leg. He was under the impression that there wasn't anything seriously wrong with Dan's leg, but that there was a blood blister underneath the muscle (which caused the swelling), and the blood had flowed down to his foot (hence the intense bruising, and the tingly sensation). What he needed to do was just prop it up and keep ice on it, so the blood can flow back to his heart where it belongs :-P
The best part... was when the doctor was examining Dan's leg, and he made the keen observation of, "So...he was going for the sack..." HA! I'm going to miss crazy experiences like this.
Current Mood: amused
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11:51 am
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The Last Lesson
I just got out of my last violin lesson with Dr. Hannes Dietrich. I'm not really sure what I think at this point. We didn't actually have a real lesson, instead, we went out for coffee. We talked about what I'm going to do in Grad School, where I'm going to live, and how him and his wife Marie plan on "raising the bar" on the string program over the next couple of years. I guess overall it was good, and I hate to admit it, but part of me might miss him.
Dr. Dietrich and I have had a very interesting past 4 years. We've definitely had our ups and downs, and God knows we've butted heads more times than I can count. However, this semester has been a really good one - I've learned a lot, and I had a very successful jury. His input isn't always helpful, but with that I've kind of learned how to teach myself, which is something I'm going to need until I can find another teacher.
Anyways - Goodbye Dietrich! Hello Maryland, I missed you :-)
Current Mood: accomplished
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jannielee's journal